Where Are You Read online

Page 2


  “I know. And there is. I’ve been ill, that’s all.” She closed the door behind him and braced herself. He had every right to be angry.

  “What’s the matter?” His eyes widened in a sudden burst of fear.

  “Oh, just flu symptoms, but they’re not as bad as yesterday. I think I’m on the mend.” Erin pottered into the kitchen in front of Ben.

  “Oh, thank God! You had me worried you were dying or something.” He glanced over the accumulated mess, the dirty dishes and rubbish that gathered in the corner, most notably the used tissues that spilled out. At least they’d add credence to the story. “You should have told me. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve tried contacting you…Absolutely no response!” He threw up his hands. “What was I supposed to think? And the mess…” He gestured toward the dishes in the sink, “…Erin, this is not like you.”

  “I’m sorry and I know. Sometimes when I’m ill, I just switch everything off and go into hibernation.” She turned to the window to avoid his gaze. Another rainy day in Cambridge.

  “Well that’s not fair, Erin. Babe, you knew full well I was up in Newcastle. How the bloody hell was I supposed to know you were ok? I had to leave early, and on my dad’s birthday. Do you know how close I was to calling the police and having them check up on you?”

  “You’re right. I’ve said I’m sorry. Can we just drop it please?”

  “Anyway, if you’re ill it’s best you get back to bed. I’ll clean up down here.” He filled the kettle. “Lots of fluids…Hot water with honey and lemon.” He looked to the bowl of fruit on the countertop. “Ok, so you don’t have lemons, but limes will do.”

  “That’s nice of you, but I’m fine.”

  He switched on the kettle, which began to boil as Ben went into deep thought. “Since when do you hibernate when ill? That time in Alnwick…You spent the entire duration watching movies and begging for my attention.”

  Erin had to quickly think. “Well that’s the only time you’ve seen me ill. You were at your parents. Maybe if you’d been here…” He was good. Erin hoped the inquisition would cease. Not least because she wasn’t in the mood.

  Ben poured the hot water into a glass, mixed in a teaspoon of honey and began to squeeze the lime. The juice trickled into the steaming glass. “This should make you feel better. I’ll get you another in about an hour.”

  “Thank you.” She took the glass, although she knew the bitter sweet concoction would not cure her ailment, nor even abate it in the slightest.

  “Really, this is not like you at all.” He referred to the refuse as he collected used tissues from the floor and stuffed them into the overflowing rubbish bag. He tied up the ends and placed the bag by the door. “I’ll take the rubbish on the way out.”

  Ben’s phone rang, but he ignored it.

  “Aren’t you going to see who that is?” Erin asked, sipping the remedy.

  “I don’t care who it is. You’re more important right now.” He turned the phone off in his pocket. “I’m probably wanted at work, but it’ll wait.”

  Ben was a couple years older than Erin’s twenty nine years. The couple had properly met during the early days after Gianna’s departure, when Erin was at her lowest ebb. He’d been a true rock and they ended up in a relationship. That relationship had been off and on ever since. In fact, Erin had lost count of the times they’d broken up, only to get back together at some point in the future. He was an attractive man; tall with broad shoulders, dark brown hair and stubble. Erin often noticed the looks he attracted from other women, which had been the cause of more than one of those break ups. Although Erin would readily admit, it was the lack of passion on her own part which had so often been responsible.

  “Ben, you shouldn’t neglect your duties. I can manage alone.”

  He waved a hand as if to dismiss her words, then pinched his lower lip together between two fingers. “Erin, this isn’t anything to do with me is it?”

  She placed the glass on the countertop and went over to him. “Of course not. What would make you think that?”

  “I don’t know. I just had a feeling, that’s all.”

  “As I told you, it’s just the flu. I’ll be back at work in a couple more days. I feel much better already.” Erin lied, much preferring flu to her present emotional illness.

  “Great, because don’t forget, you have the Relief for Heroes ceremony the day after tomorrow.” Ben drew her into him, kissing her cheek.

  As if she could forget she was due to accept an award in front of a large gathering of peers.

  “Gait analysis, anti-gravity treadmills and both in the first month. And pool running and tomorrow we’re starting on knee fractures. I just can’t wait.” Much of the course modules would consist of group work, which Erin feared almost as much as the thought of having to give a presentation. But she’d have to grin and bear it, to push through the discomfort of being around other people, of being watched and judged. For Erin, university was about so much more than simply attaining a prestigious degree. She also needed wrenching out from her comfort zone in order to grow as an individual.

  Erin and Gia left the lecture theatre amongst a crowd of students, emerging in the Downing College cloister. The cloister area, essentially a well-manicured lawn surrounded by arched corridors on all four sides, served as the central assembly point for the college. Each college had a central cloister and for centuries students at Cambridge would have used them to meet their fellow scholars, to study or eat lunch. A sense of grandeur hung from every corner, stone and fountain; many of the world’s best from Newton and Darwin, all the way to Hawkins would have used the same area.

  “We have to see the library.” Erin said with a high pitch to her voice, half pulling Gia back toward the college interior.

  Gia resisted the pull. “Oh, Erin, you are such a nerd.” Gia laughed.

  Shit – What had she done? What was Gia thinking? “What do you mean?” Erin asked with alarm.

  “I mean you’re such a nerd. Why don’t you loosen up? If there’s anyone I’ve met so far in this country who needs to relax, it’s you.” Gia pulled Erin closer in a gesture of comfort. “Of course I don’t mean it in a bad way. But this is our first day at uni. We need to get drunk, like everyone else.”

  “Get drunk?” Erin asked with a squeak. She’d partaken with alcohol in the past, most notably to get through giving presentations in the sixth form and her father’s minibar had proven invaluable. But she’d never once drunk socially. The very concept of walking into a pub or bar with the intention of getting drunk had one major drawback – Erin would need to be drunk in order to enter the establishment in the first place.

  “Oh, you’d fit right in back home, but why do you think I needed to get away so bad?”

  “But it’s only eleven in the morning.”

  “I don’t mean right now, silly.” Gia laughed. “You really are a complete innocent aren’t you.”

  “Oh, I’m not so sure about that.”

  “Let’s get a coffee first. It tastes like dish water in this country, but never mind, I’m sure I’ll adjust.” Gia didn’t give Erin a choice and was already tugging her by the wrist. “And since you’re such a nerd, we can discuss the course if it’ll make you happy.”

  The Starbucks on the road that ran between Christ’s and Trinity College had been designed to accommodate students. The upstairs seating area consisted of long wooden benches with plug sockets for laptops. They took seats with their coffees.

  “So this is the famous Starbucks.” Gia said, grimacing as she sipped on her Americano.

  “You mean you’ve never been to one?” Erin was amazed it was even possible not to have visited a Starbucks in the year 2003. She herself had only more recently ventured inside one, but for completely different reasons.

  “You know what…There are no Starbucks in all of Italy.” She saw Erin’s gaping mouth and reacted. “I know, hard to believe, but we Italians would only boycott it anyway, just like we did the fast food
movement.”

  “Well good. I prefer a place with a little more soul. We should have gone to the small place outside Downing.” Erin said with a frown, it was too late now.

  “Well how about next time, we’ll do it then.”

  “Ok.” There was going to be a next time? Erin was still amazed Gia hadn’t yet ditched her for one of the girly cliques that had already formed within the larger group. It was only a matter of time, that much was certain.

  “What? What are you thinking? You don’t want to have coffee with me again?” She placed a hand on Erin’s and smiled. “Am I really that frightening?”

  “No, of course not. You’re the exact opposite in fact, but sometimes I…”

  A shadow from in front interrupted Erin’s flow. They looked up to see a tall, attractive male Starbucks employee collecting the used mugs. As he leaned over the table, he cast a shy smile at Erin. “Hi.” The man said. He must have been no more than a couple years older than the girls.

  Erin smiled nervously and turned her head to avoid further eye contact as the man walked away with the refuse from the tables.

  “Erin, he was very much checking you out.” Gia collapsed back in her seat and slapped her thighs. “I can see we need to work on you.”

  Erin blushed, looked up from the table but was unable to meet Gia’s eyes. “You must be imagining it, Gia. There’s nothing special about me.”

  “What?” Gia almost shouted, startling even herself. “Are you kidding? You’re the stereotypical English rose, from that song…I forget, but that’s what I thought when I first saw you…Damn it, the name will bug me now.”

  Erin laughed. “What are you talking about? There’s no such song.”

  “There is too.” She leaned forward. “When you say English rose, the mind makes images of a pretty girl with red hair. She’s always the timid, butter wouldn’t melt type.” She pointed both index fingers at Erin and winked. “Exactly what we have here.”

  “Stop teasing me, I am not.” Although she knew she wasn’t unpleasant in the looks department, Erin had never thought of herself as the pretty type. She simply didn’t receive the same kind of positive reinforcement that some of the other girls constantly did from guys. A girl could only know how attractive she was from the attention she got. But then she also knew that avoiding social situations like she always had meant that she also avoided the opportunities to receive that positive reinforcement in the form of male attention. On the contrary, there’d been much negative reinforcement throughout her life, particularly at school and in the form of the many names she’d been called by the other kids because of her red hair. Erin had never been able to work out just how large a part the bullying had played in her timidity. Was she shy and withdrawn because she was bullied, or was she bullied because she was shy and withdrawn? Either way, having hair like fire had not helped one bit and it was only more recently she began to appreciate the way she looked, at least a tiny bit, as she could see for herself she was finally growing into her looks.

  “I think you need to spend less time with your head in the books and more time getting out there, having fun and meeting people. You’d benefit a great deal and you know it too.” Gia took another sip from her Americano, her face contorting from the bitterness. “Damn this coffee is foul.”

  “Yes, you’re correct about all this.”

  “Of course I am.” Gia said, smiling to herself. “Wait, are you talking about the coffee or what I said before?”

  Erin hit her playfully on the arm. “You don’t understand what it’s like though. Meeting people is just so terrifying. I’m completely useless.” Erin shrank into her seat.

  “No you’re not. Just look at the way you’re talking to me now. I’d never have known you were any different to anyone else.”

  “I don’t know.” Erin gestured between Gia and herself. “This just feels a little different.”

  Gia’s eye’s narrowed. “How so?”

  Erin thought for a few seconds. “I don’t know. I just get good vibes from you…Kind of a nice feeling. You’re very easy to talk to, probably because you do most of the talking. You’re just so comfortable in your own skin.”

  “Well, I come from a very loud and crowded city, I’m used to having people around me. But really, I’ve noticed such a big difference in you already from when we met…And that was only a few hours ago.”

  Erin exhaled sharply through her nose. “I’ve kind of noticed it too.” But she would soon retreat back into her shell when Gia abandoned her.

  The Italian grunted, hefting her enormous bag onto the table. “Looks like we have a lot to talk about, but I did promise we’d look over the course.”

  After spending around an hour reviewing the prospectus for the first term, they left Starbucks and headed in the direction of The Baron of Beef.

  Gia linked arms with Erin and gave a concerned smile. “My flatmates recommended the place. Apparently the food is good.” She squeezed Erin a little tighter. “And don’t worry, it’s a friendly student crowd and I’ll take good care of you.”

  Erin half felt like an invalid who needed taking care of, but merely being around Gia, at least for the time being, had a majestic affect on her confidence. She was surprised at how she felt only light trepidation at the prospect of entering her first pub as a student.

  Gia pushed the door open and as Erin walked inside, she wondered if a slight haze fell over her vision. It’s all in your head, she told herself, looking through the gathering of rowdy students to a table in the far corner. Her instincts told her to grab that very table and sit with her back to the wall where she could cower and make herself appear small.

  Instead Gia guided her to a different table in the centre, not far from where a particular large and loud group were situated. “A couple of drinks and you’ll feel right at home. But I’d say I’m just as alien to this kind of environment as you are.” Gia waited for Erin to take a seat and then threw her bag over the seat next to her. “What would you like?”

  “I’ll have a white wine.” Erin watched as Gia pushed her way toward the bar.

  A number of people stood before Gia in the queue which meant Erin would be alone for a few minutes. Several students in the vicinity turned round and peered at the solitary girl, looking down at the table, fiddling with her bag strap. Her heart beat faster and her mouth dried up. Gia turned her head round and smiled. Oh please hurry up.

  A few minutes later, Gia plonked down two large glasses of wine and took her seat next to Erin, close enough she could smell the rose petals. Gia’s perfume was quite a contrast against the musky stench of unwashed students.

  “You ok? You look a little flushed.” Gia asked, taking a sip of her wine.

  “Yeah, I think I could benefit from a little tearing of the band aid.” Erin took in a deep breath. “You said you’re also alien to this kind of place?”

  “Yeah…We have bars in Napoli, they tend to be a lot smaller and more intimate though.” She gestured to the students, two of whom were stood on seats playing some kind of drinking game. “You’d never get away with that where I’m from. The locals would frown you all the way to the exit.”

  “Did you ever drink in Italy?”

  Gia laughed, almost knocking over her wine. “We’re not completely alien you know, Erin. We get up to all the same stuff as you do. I often lie about my age to get into bars and take alcohol round to my friend’s house.”

  “Why did you choose Cambridge?”

  One corner of her mouth rose and her dimple emerged. “You don’t say no to Cambridge, do you. If you’re accepted then you take it. But the truth is, all the universities I applied for were in England. I wanted to come here to get away from the confines of southern Italy.”

  “Why?” Erin asked leaning closer.

  “It’s just way too conservative. A girl needs to get away and see what the rest of the world has to offer. And England seemed like the exact opposite, so here I am.” Gia’s face sprang to life, bright eyes
sparkling. “And what about you? Why here?”

  “Well, like you said…You don’t say no to Cambridge. I studied hard and was lucky enough to get in.” Erin thought of all the times she’d declined to meet friends, visit the pub or even go shopping like everybody else did - The studying had paid off, at the expense of other things, like having a life. “So why Physiotherapy?”

  Gia looked down at the table and for the first time, Erin wondered if she’d overstepped the mark. It was a simple and obvious question that perhaps she shouldn’t have asked.

  “Um…”

  “I’m not being intrusive am I?” Erin asked, almost panicking.

  “Oh no, don’t worry about it. I guess it’s because of my dad.” Gia sighed, “he was involved in a car accident when I was ten and he’s needed physio ever since. I’ve witnessed the good it does and I guess I was inspired by it.”

  “I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”

  Gia smiled. “Well how were you to know, you silly goose?” She patted her on the wrist. “I hadn’t told you. You really have to learn not to be so timid, even though I find it kind of sweet.”

  Two tall male students approached from in front and gestured to the spare seats opposite. “You girls don’t mind if we sit here do you?” The slightly taller of the two, with an unkempt beard and long curly hair asked while gesturing about the room. “Doesn’t look like there are any more seats.” The man spoke with a thick Scottish accent that was hard at first to decipher. The crinkles on Gia’s forehead signalled she struggled even more with the dialect.

  “No, go ahead.” Erin said, surprised she’d spoken up for the two of them.

  They pulled the chairs out, but for the time being, remained stood as they held out their hands.

  “I’m Mikey, this is Scruffy…It’s not an ironic thing.” The tidier of the two said as he shook both Erin and Gia’s hands. They looked kind of similar, their contrasting styles masking that they could possibly be twins.

  Erin couldn’t help but smile at how much Gia struggled with their accents. “You’re both from Scotland?”

  “Aye, correct.” Scruffy held out his hand, which Gia shook followed by Erin. An audible snap complete with crunch and sheer pain washing over Scruffy’s face preceded his cry of agony as his hand went limp. “Arghhh.”