Where Are You Read online

  “Well done four and five, perfect rhythm, keep it up.” Yelled the cox. “Seven, speed up and take shorter strokes.” The cox held a handle in each hand which she used to steer. Considering the amount of boats that swept by in the opposite direction, she’d better have a good view beyond the eight tall women.

  After twenty minutes, the cox turned the boat around in a wide arc until they were heading back the way they came, only this time against the flow of tide. “That was your warm up ladies; you need to pull harder now.”

  Erin’s view of the cox was completely blocked by the four girls in front; indeed her view consisted entirely of Gia’s back and buttocks as she slid back and forth along the track. Small beads of sweat on her shoulders had morphed into drops which ran down her arms. She gave full concentration to pulling her oar as she hadn’t once looked back to see how Erin was coping with the exertion.

  The cox yelled more encouragement as the boat glided through the water as though on air. The feeling of moving such a large object, so freely and at such high speed as part of a group of girls, acting as one single organism was like nothing else Erin had ever experienced. Her knuckles turned white as she gripped harder against the handle, concentrating on the rhythmical movements of her body.

  They arrived back at the Downing Boat House where, as soon as they’d landed and pulled the boat from the water, the tall girl threw up into the river. One of her friends placed an arm over her shoulders in comfort.

  Erin couldn’t help but giggle. “I can’t say I’m upset she found it harder than most.”

  “I feel like being sick myself.” Gia held onto Erin’s shoulder as she stretched her quads, making small hops with her grounded foot, despite using Erin as a support post. The slightest scent of body odour mixed with peach filled the small space between them.

  “Here, let me steady you, you’re exhausted.” Erin reached out, placing her hands around Gia’s hips until she regained balance. They really were broad compared to her stomach which now appeared even narrower due to the sweat making the Downing jersey constrict and cling to her. “There you go.” Erin released her grasp, feeling the clamminess of Gia’s sweat on her palms and fingers.

  “Thanks, honey.” She switched legs, which meant also switching hands on Erin’s shoulder. “So? What did you think?”

  “We’re definitely coming back. It was so much fun.” Erin again put her hands out to steady Gia’s hips, even though on this occasion it didn’t seem necessary. “I’m glad you gave me the push.” Trying something new was always hardest the first time. Simply walking through the door, not knowing what to expect on the other side was what had always kept Erin from trying out new things, from speaking to new people and making new friends. It was the fear of uncertainty. Now that she’d done it and enjoyed it, she wondered what she had been so afraid of. How many opportunities to improve her life had Erin missed?

  “Oi, girls…Girls?” A loud voice boomed from somewhere on the river.

  “What the heck?” Erin scanned along the Cam to see who was shouting.

  “You owe us your phone numbers.” Scruffy and Mikey were in a two man scull, standing while making a phone me gesture with their hands.

  Gia held up her oar as if pushing it against a ceiling, as both girls broke into hysterics.

  Chapter Four

  Melancholy

  Erin smiled at the memory of their first time on a boat. It would not be their last. The next time they had arrived at the boat house they were praised by Hilary, one of the instructors who’d been the cox that day. They’d been the only two girls perfectly in sync with each other throughout the initial training session. The effort they’d put in had also been recognised, as well as their natural stature which was perfect for the sport.

  “You’re both very tall with lots of stamina.” She said having taken them both aside. “We can either put you on a boat as two of the most promising eight from your year group. Or better yet, you can change to the double scull and row as a two.”

  It was an easy decision to make and both Erin and Gianna gave the answer together. “We’ll row as a two.”

  It had kind of defeated the initial objective of rowing to meet more people, but there and then, the decision was made to take the actual sport more seriously. Besides, over the following months Erin and Gianna would meet many new people from all walks of life. Things were changing.

  After having spent several minutes holding, cherishing and caressing the framed photo of the two of them on the double scull, Erin locked it in her desk drawer. She didn’t know why she brought it to work, indeed she had no idea why she climbed into the attic to dig it out, it was far too painful to have facing her all day long, beside the photo of her and Ben.

  “Oh, Gianna.” Erin sighed.

  Erin jumped as the intercom buzzed. “Doctor Baker, your nine thirty appointment, Mr Prudhoe is here.”

  “I’m ready, send him in.”

  Yvette, Erin’s receptionist held the door open as a one-legged man on crutches manoeuvred himself inside.

  “Good morning Glen, I hope you’re feeling well enough to be taken through your paces today?”

  “Give us your best, Erin.” Glen had been flown back from Afghanistan the year before after shrapnel from an improvised explosive device blew off his right leg below the knee. He’d been Erin’s patient for the last four months.

  The session began by testing Glen’s balance and posture with the crutches using gait analysis monitors. Then his balance without the crutches was monitored by use of a balance plate.

  “All good so far.” She picked up a medicine ball and stood a metre from him. “I’d like you to catch this.”

  He caught the heavy ball, barely flinching on his one leg. She then progressed to two, three and four metres; throwing the ball back and forth. The back rest possessed pressure sensors monitoring Glen’s balance. “It’ll take more than a ball to knock me off my foot.”

  Erin greatly admired the soldiers’ spirit. She’d yet to encounter one who’d allowed his injuries to prevent him living a full life. “You’re strong…Strong enough to do away with those damn things.” She pointed to the crutches, propped in the corner. “Are you excited for Friday?” Erin referred to his appointment to collect his new prosthetic limb.

  “I can’t tell you how much of a difference it’ll finally make. I’m a little nervous though…It’ll be a big day.”

  “Hey, don’t you worry, I know Doctor Harper personally. He’s one of the best and he’ll take good care of you.”

  He nodded. “I saw you at the Relief for Heroes awards the other week and when you mentioned him, I kind of guessed you were acquainted.” He winked at Erin.

  She covered her face with her hands. “Oh no, was it really that obvious?”

  “He sounds like a good man.” He waved a hand in a dismissive gesture and then span the medicine ball around in his hands. “And what he does for the Army of Angels…Wow!”

  “Army of Angels?” She’d heard of the charity, which performed similar work to Relief for Heroes.

  “You know…My Sergeant told me he donates half his company’s income to them.” He must have seen Erin’s mouth slacken. “I’ve put my foot in it haven’t I?” He straightened against the handrail. “Shit. You couldn’t just pretend I never opened my big mouth could you?”

  Erin took a step back, slowly shaking her head. “I honestly had no idea he was doing such a thing.”

  But it all kind of made sense. Apart from the nice house in the countryside Ben didn’t really possess anything too extravagant. He drove a twelve year old Peugeot hatchback which Erin had often pleaded with him to scrap. Not once had he whisked her off to Paris or even Skegness for the weekend; a subject which, along with his lack of apparent romanticism, had been the cause of many arguments. And nor did Ben have any real hobbies either. It wasn’t like he collected expensive wines or paintings. There had been times Erin wondered exactly what he did with his money, given that his company excelled i
n what it did. As it transpired, all along he was giving away his money to help wounded war veterans and keeping quiet about it.

  “Erin?”

  “Huh?”

  “I was just asking if you wanted me on the treatment table?” Glen was pointing to where it was located.

  “Oh, yes please.”

  He hopped toward the table and positioned himself face up. “And by the way…Congratulations on your award.”

  “Um, yes thank you.”

  An hour later as Erin analysed Glen’s reports, she was interrupted by a knock on the door.

  “Hi.” Ben poked his head inside and then entered. “I just thought I’d stop by and surprise you.”

  Erin leapt from her seat, ran over and embraced him. “It’s very good to see you.”

  “I can tell.” He squeezed her, pressing his cheek against hers. “Whatever has got into you, can you please keep taking it?”

  “I will.”

  He kissed her on the lips then strolled across to the window, gazing out casually before turning back to face Erin with a smile. “It’s such a lovely day, I thought I’d take you out for lunch. Yvette says you have a clean schedule until half two.”

  “That sounds lovely. Where exactly did you have in mind?”

  “I don’t care. Anywhere it’s just the two of us.”

  She smiled and walked toward the cloakroom. “Two minutes. I’ll just get my bag.”

  When she returned, Ben was sitting on the chair at the spare desk.

  “Oh, sweetheart, not there…Please.” She dashed toward Ben, took his hand and pulled him up from the seat.

  “What? There’s nothing wrong with it is there?” He swivelled the chair around on its axis, as if expecting it to collapse.

  “No, nothing like that. It’s just a superstition I have. You know how much I’ve always wanted to work with other therapists…”

  “Ah, and if I sit at his desk then it may never come true, right?” He moved in the direction of the door, taking Erin’s hand.

  “Something like that.”

  “You are silly, but this is why I love you.”

  They walked along the narrow, cobbled streets of historic Cambridge with its five, six and seven hundred year old colleges, perfectly manicured lawns, bridges, endless coffee shops, vibrancy, toffs in capes, cyclists everywhere, distant ringing of bells and all teeming with students and tourists. No matter how familiar Erin had become with the city, she never grew tired of it. She’d often thought of it as the most beautiful place in England. The home town she came from in the north, Alnwick was also very beautiful, but Cambridge, despite the often painful memories had proven impossible to leave.

  “You’re in deep thought aren’t you.” Ben said, catching Erin admiring some of the thirteenth century architecture.

  “I just love this place, that’s all.” She squeezed his hand.

  “Do you miss being a student?”

  She considered her answer. “They were some of the best times of my life. But there are certain things I’d do differently.”

  “Well, things are great now, right?” Ben asked with a hint of trepidation.

  “Of course, I’m very happy.” She said, casting a lingering glance on Downing College.

  He perked up and Erin felt his arm relaxing. “There’s not a lot I’d change, babe. We have our businesses in the city, lots of friends, our careers are looking fantastic. But most of all, we have each other.” He span her towards him, clasping her in his arms and planted a deep, passionate kiss on her lips. When it was over, he pointed to the river. “Let’s take a punt ride.”

  “Let’s take a punt ride.” Gia suggested, dragging Erin along by the arm, not bothering to wait for her answer.

  “No, Gia, I can’t.” Erin tried to resist the pull, but as usual, found refusing this particular girl a task too difficult.

  Gia eased up on the pull, metres from the punt and turned to Erin. “And why not? I know your schedule inside out. You have nothing better to do right now other than take a punt ride with me.”

  “I don’t know, it’s just weird.” She gestured with her head to the punt tour guide who stood yawning on the boat’s bow.

  “What? You know him?” Gia asked almost with alarm.

  “No.”

  “So, you’ve got no reason then.”

  “Well, no not really.” Erin looked to the floor and shuffled about.

  “Because, I know you’re not afraid of the water. You row for the college alongside me, but you won’t take a punt ride with me?” Gia took a step back. “What’s going on Erin?”

  Erin sensed the challenge in Gia’s tone. How could she put this without sounding like an oddball? “It’s really silly but when we row, it’s just us two. There’s a man there now.” She gestured again with her head to the tall man with a long stick and straw hat, standing on the punt. “It just wouldn’t be the same.”

  Gia doubled over in laughter. “Oh, you are so precious…Not to mention a big prune…You’d fit right in back home. I should show you around sometime.” She straightened and rubbed Erin’s arm. “But you are one eternally sweet lady.”

  “I told you it was silly.”

  Gia grabbed her hand again. “You’re coming, prune.”

  “Good afternoon.” The tour guide said, steadying the boat with one foot on the mooring.

  They took seats at the stern, as far from the tour guide as possible. Their knees pressed together due to the narrow confines of the punt. The guide pushed off the dock with his oar and manoeuvred down the river.

  “Really, Erin, if it wasn’t for me, you’d be stuck inside being a geek the whole time.” She nudged Erin’s shoulder. “I knew you were a geek the minute I clapped eyes on you, which is probably why I took pity on you.”

  “You know I’m not a complete geek.” Erin thought of their ever improving times along the Cam in their double scull, the athlete she was turning into and how that was hardly a stereotypical geek attribute.

  “No, you’re right and I wouldn’t change you for anything.”

  Erin laughed, a large smile broke out across her face just as the punt startled a Kingfisher, beautiful in its orange and blue feathers as it flew up into the heavens.

  “What?” Gia asked, angling her head back.

  “Or anyone?”

  “What do you mean?”

  It was a difficult subject, but Erin knew she could confide in Gia now. “You know what I’m like. And you’re like…Just the exact opposite of me. You’re just so confident and funny. I used to often wonder why you chose to hang out with me when you could be friends with anybody.” Erin noted how Gia turned to face her with a glazed over, non-blinking expression, full of concentration. “Let’s face it, I was a loser…Absolutely hopeless I was…If you only knew how close I was from running away that day and for ever turning my back on this…Everything.” She opened out her arms, as if taking in her entire life. “You could have been friends with anybody you chose, and I’d still have been the girl who never spoke to anyone.”

  Gia took Erin’s hand, lightly grazing the skin with her thumb. “Erin, I don’t know what to say.”

  “For once I have you speechless.” She moved her free hand to cover Gia’s. “For a while, I kept expecting you to abandon me for some other group of girls and I’d go back to living in a shell.”

  Gia brought her free hand over, so they now clasped each other’s hands. “Erin, I want you to know, that I would never, ever abandon you. Not for anybody.” Her eyes shimmered with the formation of tears. Gia blinked them away, forcing a smile. “Damn you, Erin, look what you’re doing.”

  The breath caught in Erin’s throat. “I’m sorry, maybe I really am a nerd.”

  “No, Erin, it’s the two of us who’re the cool group. And that’s why I’d never need to leave you for anyone else.”

  The fact the tour guide had remained quiet was not lost on Erin. Perhaps he sensed the two girls weren’t that type of tourist group, the type that neede
d long memorised stories about the landmarks. They approached the famous Bridge of Sighs which connected St John’s College over the river. It just had to be one of the most beautiful bridges in the world, regal and splendid. Several punts, filled with tourists gathered around as cameras flashed. Erin had heard there was also a Bridge of Sighs in Venice, in Gia’s home country, but she couldn’t imagine it being quite as impressive as this one.

  As they floated below the bridge, Erin knew she could leave the fears and anxieties that had dogged her entire life behind her. Beyond, where swans preened themselves on the water, the future came into focus, where she’d have the confidence to be herself. She would remember this moment and that it was Gia’s hands she held. And it had all been thanks to her, who’d given her a chance, stuck by her when most would have given up and pushed her even when she fought against it.

  The future would be easier now. She’d have somebody to go out in the evening with, somebody to row away the semesters, a friend to talk to when she had problems, but most of all, she had somebody she could simply look forward to getting to know.

  “What do you plan on doing after you graduate?” Gia asked, releasing Erin’s hands and sitting further back in the seat.

  “I’ve given it some thought but not come to anything concrete. All I know is that I want to do something in physio. How about you?”

  “Did I tell you I have an older brother in the Italian army?”

  “No.” Erin wondered if this was a change of subject or a long story about what she intended to do after graduation. “I mean, I knew you had a brother, but you never said he was in the army.”

  “Well, he’s serving in Afghanistan with the International Security Assistance Force. Whenever I speak to him he tells me how his fellow soldiers, even some of his friends have been injured. You don’t hear it on the news every time someone gets an arm blown off; only a few seconds of time when a soldier gets killed. It’s a real fucking scandal.”